the posthumous album
I was up really early for work today. It was a beautiful morning.
I thought of the song New Dawn Fades by Joy Division. It’s actually from their ‘debut’ album, Unknown Pleasures.
The new dawn was breaking over the trees and I took a stroll in the Swan Creek Metropark, going along the 0.6 mile flood plains loop. The woods are pretty and silent. The actual creek is kind of muddy and putrid… there are warning signs posted around telling me not to let my body come into contact with the water.
I drank coffee and walked the boardwalks. I mused about nothing in particular. New Dawn Fades is a desperately sad song. But, then again, so are all of Joy Division’s songs.
A change of speed, a change of style.
A change of scene, with no regrets,
A chance to watch, admire the distance,
Still occupied, though you forget.
Different colours, different shades,
Over each mistakes were made.
Now I am preparing to attend Audrey Mattingly’s wedding in Anderson, IN. She won’t be a Mattingly for much longer! I think I shall take a little, small nap on the ride down.
I have returned to the blog.
It’s been a long, long time since I wrote much of anything.
Whatever. Stating the obvious isn’t very worthy material to read.
I now live in Toledo, OH. I have a new(er) computer, which is really quite nice. I still work at Panera Bread. I still have daydreams and aspirations galore besides that 
I am working on a new photoblog: The Photon Diet, check it out! There are precious few photos on it, right now. But I aspire to add more with each passing day.
“Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Whether you laugh at the stupidities of the world or you weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Whether you trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. Whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. This, gentlemen, is the quintessence of all the wisdom of life. It is not merely in isolated moments that I, as Spinoza says, view everything aeterno modo [in the mode of eternity], but I am continually aeterno modo. Many believe they, too, are this when after doing one thing or another they unite or mediate these opposites. But this is a misunderstanding, for the true eternity does not lie behind either/or but before it. Their eterenity will therefore also be a painful temporal sequence, since they will have a double regret on which to live.”
~Søren Kierkegaard, An Ecstatic Discourse from Diapsalmata
Earl Partridge: “I’ll tell you the greatest regret of my life: I let my love go.”
Jim Kurring: “Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail. The law is the law, and heck if I’m gonna break it. But if you can forgive someone… Well, that’s the tough part. What can we forgive?”
Daily I am faced with the lingering regret over something that I did; over events that transpired which I could have altered if only…
Then I realize that I’m just sticking to my thoughts in my head without really coming to grips with the reality of reality around me. Is there a way to live without regrets? Hrm… I don’t think it’s impossible… but it’s not exactly easy. They’re always going to be there. Kierkegaard’s remarkable Either/Or discourse illuminates this problem in the beginning by presenting it as an inescapable outcome over every action/inaction you take. But this is only half of the coconut shell of temporal existence. The other half is… separated by a distance which cannot be measured by any standard. The other half… requires a leap to reach. And yet… this coconut is whole. How? Dear God… how? It defies logic because it is an imperfect analogy… but then every mode of communication and every rendering of language is incapable of remotely encapsulating the mystery.
It’s summer in October. No regrets… no regrets but it’s hard.
